My wallet went missing last week.
I got a call from the cops today, and it turns out officials were able to trace activity on my credit cards...back to my house. When I confronted Coco about it, she immediately denied involvement. Of course I didn't believe her, so after a little persuasion involving a new box of wine, she finally came clean about the down payment on Species Reassignment Surgery.
"It's only $10,000, you'll get over it... I need to be one of the beautiful people. Those Pomeranian jagoffs have it made."