Over the past month I've been reading Coco bedtime stories. My goal is to show her that there is more to life than booze and mischief. I've spouted off plenty of the classics, short stories, and even dissected poems-- anything to expand her clever little mind.
But for some reason, no matter what I chose, Coco seemed disinterested. After a month of nightly reading I had finally had enough.
"Listen Coco, I've tried to elevate you to a new level of intelligence. I think you have some real potential!"
She yawned, "These books are garbage. I'd rather be drunk and setting off fireworks."
I shook my head. "Ok, how about this. I will let you go online and order a few books you think are interesting, and I will read those to you. How does that sound?"
She kicked The Great Gatsby off the couch and tore out a mouthful of pages from my original copy of The Catcher in the Rye. "Sound like a plan, sucka."
When the surprisingly large package of books arrived, Coco said that she wanted to read to me this time. She laid one of the books down and flipped to the first page, "I dedicate this book to you, Mama." I smiled, and she continued.
"Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society...I call this story the Night of the Living Dummy."
I looked into the box and pulled out a receipt with my credit card information printed across the bottom. Coco had spent $239.99 on the entire R.L. Stein's Goosebumps collection.