Monday, May 12, 2014

Out for a Stroll

I bought Coco a harness/leash set to encourage her to spend a little more time outside. She fought me on the idea because she claims, "exercise is for losers." In any case, I told her if she agreed to go for a walk, we could stop for a few Bloody Marys on the way home. I bent down to tie my shoes and stood up to find that Coco had already put the leash on herself.

While outside taking a breather, a woman walked by pushing a stroller. 
She stopped and bent down toward Coco, "Oh my! Is this your puppy? Hellooo!!!!"

*Note: on multiple occasions people have asked if Coco is a dog. This immediately sends her into a blind rage.*

I could hear Coco grinding her teeth. "I'm a rabbit you friggin' idiot. Oh, wait! Is that your baby? Or did you give birth to the second coming of the Michelin Man? I had no idea people pushed marshmallows around in strollers. You're a real winner. Who's your husband, the ugliest man in the world? No, no wait. He must be that walrus with the bucket!" 

The woman burst into tears and quickly pushed the stroller away.

Coco blew the woman raspberries and unleashed the most devious laugh I have ever heard.
I tugged on her leash and sighed, "Can I not take you anywhere?"
Coco regained her composure and said, "Hell yes, you can take me to the bar. You're buying."

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