Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Lie Like an Egyptian

"Come outta your cage girly, I want to show you something!" I yelled to Coco from across the room.

"No. Not a chance. But I will allow you to bring me a cheese plate with those big grapes on it, too. I like those. And I will also allow you to feed them to by one...until I am full."

"Oh come on Cokes," I pleaded. "You won't get up for your own mother?"

"I'm not getting up from this position for anyone, especially my own mother. I'm practicing my destiny's pose."

"Is that a new yoga position, my fluffy darling?" I got up to move closer to her. 

"No moron. My real future, without you. In Egypt, they will call me Cocopatra. My people will erect a gigantic sculpture in my honor among the pointy houses, and I will be lying like this. I saw it myself on the Internet."

"Coco, you are no doubt a queen in my eyes, but what makes you think you are destined for this kind of worship?"

"If you must know, I've been talking to King Tut on Twitter. He said he's shy, but I know the real him. He said he would worship me, and I would be his goddess. Plus, he has over 100,000 followers, so I'm sure he could get them to follow me too."

"What???? Coco...please tell me you're not talking to sexual predators on the Internet."

"He's not a sexual predator, he's my ticket out of this hell hole."

"Coco you're hurting my feelings, and besides we both know you don't know how to type or spell. Why should I believe any of this?"

She smirked, "I kicked the living shit out of Timmy O'Houlihan again and forced him to make me an account and do the typing for me."

"Coco, Timmy O'Houlihan is six years old. And just so you know, Timmy wandered over here this morning and told me everything. I just wanted to see if you would be honest with me. Now I'm going to call his mother to apologize."

She narrowed her eyes, "Don't bother. Timmy is a dead man."

No comments:

Post a Comment