"So what, you think you're better than me now?"
This was the response I got from Coco when I told her a girl who works at Trader Joe's asked me to play guitar in an all-girl punk rock band she's putting together.
"Yeah well, I'm a girl. I love to rock. And I can drink Tommy Lee under the table. So why haven't you asked me to join yet?" Coco said matter-of-factly.
"Cokes, I just met this girl! At least let me get a feel for things before I bring up your name as a potential member. What can you play anyway, the keyboard?"
"The keyboard? The key-board? Are you kidding me? Honestly, look at me...LOOK. AT. ME. Do you think someone who looks like this should be sitting on a shitty stool behind a keyboard?"
I was perplexed. Was Coco trying to say that the keyboard is a nonsensical instrument for her to play considering her 6-inch wingspan, or did she view it as an inferior instrument?
"Coco, some pretty awesome women play the keys...Tori Amos, Holly Laessig, Alia O'Brien...Girly, you should be proud to play!"
Coco stood on top of her cage and leaned over the edge, spitting on the floor. "Yeah, well you know who else plays the keys? ALICIA Keys. And she sucks."
"Ok, a little harsh, but I catch your drift." I bent down with a tissue to wipe up Coco's saliva. "Then what role would you like to have in the band?"
"How is this not obvious? I was born to be a front woman. I have the charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent. I have the voice of a siren and I've already planned my outfit for the spotlight."
I smiled, "Well, I have heard you sing before and you are quite talented."
I gave her a little pat on the head. "What would you wear for the opening show?"
"I will be center stage behind a mic stand like the one my muse Steven Tyler uses (with tiny scarves tied to it), and I will wear black leather pants that lace up the sides...you know, real sexy like. I will also have on a sleeveless leather vest and biker hat. I'll need to wear sunglasses from the time I enter the venue 'til the time I exit, as I want no one to make eye contact with me."
I laughed, "Coco, that is a very elaborate outfit my honey bunny. It almost sounds like Rob Halford might be your muse as well."
"You know what, you're right." she said. "I do have a lot of respect for Rob. For you, on the other hand, I have absolutely no respect. Oh yeah, and you're out of the band."