"Coco, I found something in the mailbox this morning that has you written all over it, literally."
I tossed a bulky envelope onto my bed where Coco happened to be sitting. She bent down and bit it. "Yep, that's mine alright. Damn it, I forgot the stamp."
"Hmm, well girly, this weighs a little too much for just one stamp. May I ask what's inside?"
Coco took a deep breath and exhaled. "I spent a full day eating bananas and drinking Jack Daniel's so that I could hand-select my largest pieces of poop. Some are wet and smelly and some are dry and hard like peppercorns. I would imagine there are close to 300 pieces inside that envelope, but I also included a handwritten note that reads, 'Eat my shit.'"
"Coco, I am very proud of you for taking this kind of initiative. And though the letter was obviously never going to make it past our front door, your intentions were very good. I think this merits a toast, don't you?"
"Yes, mama. It does. I will allow you to have one shot of my liquor, but I get the rest of the bottle."
"Coco, you know what drinking too much whiskey does to your insides. I will not be happy to clean your litter box at the end of the day."
"Don't worry about that, we'll just use another envelope and try again."